Christopher Schemanske
Traditional RA – NQ
This situation is particularly awkward, with both people in situations where they’re living their lives without any action intending to affect the other (and one even making an active effort to better connect with their roommate in their own way). In the process of facilitating this conversation, my impression of the key to my role is multifold: (a) ensure I’m presenting neutrally to all involved (b) ensure all involved feel their perspectives are understood (c) help each resident in to better understand the other’s perspective (d) mirror the openness ideal in each of the residents to encourage sharing of important points.
This is a lot of ground to cover, but some key points include directing the conversation in important directions—while also allowing for the conversation to flow in a way that allows the pair of residents to explore their concerns. It’s important both to listen from the the perspective of solving the problem, but also just in itself in a way that makes the participants feel validated in their experiences with each other.
A situation with an imbalance in relationship between myself and the residents (better friends with one than the other) is problematic, and likely best addressed through subtle cues: addressing each resident in the same way, with the same mannerisms; avoiding statements that could be seen as perceived as biased toward one of the sides, and also avoiding referencing “insider” knowledge that may have come from talking to one of the residents alone (while also still maintaining a feeling of connection to the conversation).
Asking each member of the conversation about the feelings the other’s actions evoke seems like a good start: for example, asking A (now Alex) how B’s (Beckett) actions have affected Alex and vice-versa. Particularly since Alex seems to be making an effort to better know Beckett, there at least seems to be a recipe for a resolution to this situation, and it could be valuable to pose questions that allow Alex to express the desire to better know Beckett while also avoiding putting Beckett on the spot—anything that could approach being “worse” as a roommate by not trying to better know Alex, or worse, if Alex’s suspicions about the language switching are actually accurate. Asking questions that allow each to express their feelings, but also their rationale and context surrounding their actions, provides a forum to explore the issue in a way conducive to understanding and resolution.
A key issue here may be Alex’s paranoia surrounding the foreign language. Bringing out ways to help Alex understand the reasons someone might speak in another tongue in certain contexts, and why Alex ought not necessarily be offended or put-off by the action, is a delicate process, but probably one essential to a resolution in the situation.
This situation is immediately a single-room issue, but all issues have the potential to be community issues. The pair of roommates not getting along has the potential to affect their interactions with others in the hall, but also, these issues occurring within the pair could be representative of other people having the same issues—for example, perhaps a 3rd person also is trying to get to know Beckett, but is experiencing the same issues. This resolution could help enlighten understanding in that way. In the same way, Alex could face another situation where an individual is speaking an unknown language, and may be better served to understand why someone might choose to do so after this conversation. Issues rarely exist in isolation, and this is probably particularly true for me considering my placement in North Quad’s suite-style excitement—there are few true doubles, so there are always more people in the situation!
The DPE could be particularly useful to help bridge the cultural gap here created by the language barrier. The DPE could likely help emphasize the importance language can have culturally among family structure, and how the nature of English as a second language can sometimes lead to situations where meaning can be read in subtext by a native speaker where it isn’t intended—English is a silly language sometimes. The DPE could be a valuable resource to get a better overall grasp of the situation.
As I’m a native English speaker and very much a white guy, it’s important to avoid seeming biased toward the concern presented by Alex. It may be more difficult for Beckett, speaking another language, to feel that I have the ability to bring impartiality to the table. Ideally, this can be mitigated through narratives to help establish a level of common ground, but in the end, perhaps it will be necessary to accept some level of imbalance and simply do the best with what’s there to help the two parties understand each other.
Listening is fundamental to this conversation, as I think I’ve outlined. It’s possible this is an entirely-accidental misunderstanding—maybe there’s an impression that Alex dislikes Beckett, who knows? Better understanding where the residents are would help the situation move forward. This conversation would ideally be done somewhere neutral, perhaps one of the spaces in the hall, but more ideally somewhere private that the two felt comfortable having the conversation in. If the DPE or other staff member seems like to prove useful, scheduling could present a logistical challenge as well.
